Satirisk Eventyr(16.Oct.2017) On this grayish Monday morning in mid October I feel like telling you about two presumably clairvoyant (by telepathy) dreams from last night. They were approx. like this.

1. I was in my appartment and saw a nearby or ajoining large room which was obviously some sort of a ball room.

The dancing male partners were mostly (or solely?) military leaders (officers or non.com.officers), being obviously happy and generally haveing a good time.

The music band was however placed in my appartment, and it transpired to be impossible for me to find a quiet corner to stay in.

2. I had a male visitor in my flat who took a keen interest in the content of my cabinets and drawers.

I then found out he planned to burglarize me. He was now joined by a girlfriend, and I coundn’t get rid of them.

Exposition. Obviously the first dream might naturally be interpreted as relating to a couple of (satirical) tweets from a few days ago.

a. A headline from bt.dk the 12.Oct.:

Rusland kritiserer Claus Hjort for “uvenlig” retorik.

Which I tweeted approx. like this:

“Rusland kritiserer Claus Hjort for uvenlig retorik”. Men det er vel dét, en krigsminister skal: Yppe kiv?

Translation:

“Russia criticizes (Danish Minister of Defence) Claus Hjort (Frederiksen) for unfriendly language”. But isn’t that which a Minister of War is for: To pick a fight?

b. Likewise the 12th of Oct. but on b.dk you could read (approx.) this:

“I Ni måneder har Claus Hjort talt om skræmmende (Russisk) trussel mod Danmarks sikkerhed…” – which I tweeted like this:

Er Claus Hjort Frederiksen: En skræmmende trussel mod Danmarks sikkerhed?

Translated:

Is (Danish Minister of Defence) Claus Hjort Frederiksen: A frightening threat to Denmarks safety?

Comment: Frankly it’s been difficult for me to take issue with Mr. Hjort and his discharge of office.

Which is perhaps mostly because I seem to always have had a soft spot for his modest, unostentatious, down to earth manners.

I suppose his demeanour reminds me a tad too much of the honest, frugal, hard working, very self reliant but also very unpretentious manners of my childhood hinterland’s small farmers.

I always respected these people immensely – and who, by the way, were the back-bone of the (now governing) party Venstre for many decades.

Nevertheless I must admit to being shocked by a Danish cabinet minister if he, as quoted, is perhaps trying to humiliate and enrage Denmarks mighty neighbour, the worlds greatest nuclear power – Russia?

A mighty neighbour that, as far as I know, since 1990 never did anything to hurt Denmark – perhaps more likely on the contrary?

Someone may now mention the “annexation” of Crimea. But please consider this:

The US/CIA/Mossad instigated and paid for a putsch – a dyed-in-the-wool coup-d’état! – in Ukraine, which with the help from local Neo-Nazis (and other (also foreign) groupings) removed the (unpopular, but) legitimate president and his government from office, replacing him with a Nuland-puppet.

Anybody remember “F**k-the-EU-Nuland” – then Assisting US Secretary of State for Europe?

The Crimeans didn’t want any part of this unlawful local “new-world-order” and voted overwhelmingly (90%?) to “leave Ukraine alone” and ask Russia for protection, and eventually to partake in the Russian federal state.

To blame Putin for this state of affairs might appear to be blody irony: In fact Putin did nothing – nothing! – to help the Cremea until they had voted to leave the Ukraine.

So trying to “pick a fight” with Russia for their “agressive behaviour” (against Denmark) seems to me to be well nigh incomprehensible.

Now, what about the dancing, “military leadership” having a good time?

Well, all telephones in parliament and government are ofcourse closely surveilled by foreign agencies. Primarily via ECHELON, which is run by NSA, and who is known to have a policy of relaying ALL RAW DATA to Israel/Mossad (in real time?).

Ergo – no secrets! If for instance a minister is told about one of my (satirical) tweets or blog updates over his phone and perhaps angrily comments on it – then CIA/Mossad will know almost instantly.

In this way said telephone talk might perhaps or even likely result in someone from overseas (A) calling f.i. an embassy (B) in Denmark – and a conversation like the following might – hypothetically – ensue:

SATIRE

A. Hello there, headquarter has got some important news for you.

B. Hello, thanks. Go ahead, shoot the works.

A. You remember this irritating little pain in the neck named G.? We just moments ago got news he is right now in very bad standing with Govt. Especially with the Ministry of Defence. You got that?

B. Sure, thanks, great news. I tell you we would like to teach this dumb peasent jerk a real good lesson once again. Thanks a lot A, have a nice day!

A. Sure, the same.

(B. now calls one of his phillipus friends (C) in the Frederiksberg City Hall)

B. Hello Pus, how’s everything?

C. Good, great, thanks. What can I do for you?

B. You remember this dumb, irriting twat G.?

C. Sure I remember, a real pain in the *ss.

B. Yes, thats right. We now have a chance to roughen him up a bit. I was thinking of perhaps making him real, real angry – and ofcourse also to burglarize him.

I’m told the Govt. would be only too happy. Of course they would like real much for us to do him in for good, but you know how slippery he is, cagey like an old rat. The pig!

C. Yes, but how come they would like to do him in for good? I thought that was something our people wanted?

B. Ofcourse, sure, sure. But you see, this dumb twerp has told the Govt. – via his blogs thats blacked out by Google, you know, so almost no one finds them – almost everything he knows. So if he’s done away with for good they – and we ofcourse – have a great chance to blackmail the shadow cabinet’s political top. So ofcourse they want him gone – and it couldn’t happen too soon, I assure you!

C. Good, but what exactly am I supposed to do, boss?

B. We feel it’s especially important to make him real angry so as to entice him to write totally uncouth things on his blogs and twitter accounts. Then when he has enraged enough people in high places f.i. with some harsh satires, we should eventually perhaps have a chance to do him in for good.

So here’s what you do. I’m aware you know how to pester him in his flat with loud, loud muzak, by day and by night. Please arrange that as soon as possible! Can you do that?

C. But certainly, I know all the people with phone numbers and all. Piece of cake, boss!

B. Great, but please go about it at once. And remember we’re doing gods work, and nothing can stop us! I’ll personally contact a couple of people right away to set him up for burglary.

Have a nice day Pus!

C. Gee, thanks boss, the same.

NB. It’s unclear what exactly the word phillipus is supposed to mean. Perhaps it most likely means horselover, or just horse, f.i. a Trojan horse or the like.

END OF SATIRE.

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To be cross posted on www.gamleboeger.dk and http://blocnotesimma.wordpress.com

Tweets on www.twitter.com/gamleboeger

Satirisk Eventyr (11.Okt.2017) Hello Everyone, my name is Pete. The other day I met my old friend George while loafing on FiolStreet here in downtown Copenhagen.

Greeting me warmly after rather a long break in our normally quite frequent encounters he asked me to join him for a cup of coffee in a nearby café.

Which I gladly agreed to not least on account he indicated he had a curious incident to relate.

An interesting tidbit, is true, although perhaps not easy to retell fairly and squarly. I’ill do my best, though, so please bear with me.

George has an old friend who is a successful businessman with several nice stores in downtown Copenhagen. His name is Alfred.

Alfred has a young, clever manager named Fred, and one of the store managers is named Herbert.

There had previously been some talks between Alfred and my friend George about G. buying Alfred’s old – but really very nicely preserved – red automobile.

Now, one recent, sunny friday afternoon George happens to encounter Alfred and his young store manager Herb outside one of their stores.

Al: Hello, George, how are you? And by-the-way, what about that old car of mine? Interested?

George: Well, maybe and maybe not. I might want to use the car a day or two to try it out. Could that be arranged?

A: But sure, no problem, we can fix that. Just give Herb a call a couple of days before you want it. Right, Herb?

H: Sure, no problem.

G: I might want it thursday next, but all right, I’ll give you a call, Herb.

Next monday noon G. calls an old friend on Funen, who is living alone in a solitary country house. They agree on a visit one week later.

(That same evening G. discovers his telephone for some curious reason is blocked for outgoing calls. He can, however, receive calls.)

In the meantime the store managers have been busy, and monday evening Fred calls Herb:

F: Hi Herb, listen up. I just got a call from Central, you know out in Hellerup. They told me they had intercepted a call from this sucker G. who wants our car.

They said he had made an appointment with a friend in Funen for wednesday next week. That gives us about a week to fix things.

Herb: But he told Al and me he might want the car this thursday?

Fred: I know, I know – but please listen carefully to what I’m telling you. My friends in Central keep close tabs on everything that jerk G. does and they know for sure he has made an appointment on Funen for said wednesday.

Which means he’ll probably want to fetch the car tuesday next week in the afternoon. Am I clear?

Herb: Sure boss, all right.

F: Good. Now listen up. Central wants to have unhindered access to the car in a repair shop at least abt. six hours. So here is what you do.

You tell this dumb sucker G. you want the car on, say, thursday. Dont ask him, just tell him! Got that? Send him a SMS, better don’t talk to him at all.

Herb: All right, boss, I understand.

F: You just tell him, and also Alfred, you need to go to, say, Aarhus on important business. That will give our experts time to literally take the car apart and put it all together again.

Of course you have to do without the car as soon as you arrive in Aarhus, when our people take over. Don’t worry about what my men do with it, it will probably be just a few GPS-chips installed and perhaps a few alterations to the motor, brakes and steering. Just to make sure it won’t last too long and won’t respond too fast to the brakes, and so on.

Probably they will also install a few remote controlled switches to enable sudden motor stops on lonely stretches, and the like. You get the picture.

Our men will tell you when you can pick up the car again, in the meantime you are free to do whatever you want. Just be careful not to call anyone here on our premises. Sure you got all that?

Herb: Absolutely, no problem at all Fred. I’ill send this dumb twat a SMS first thing i the morning.

Fred: Great. But remember, just do what I tell you, and you will be sitting pretty. I can tell you for sure, our people out in Central are really fed up with this dumb peasent twerp. They really want to again teach him one good lesson.

Herb: Sure Fred, trust me. I’m all set.

Such, or very nearly so, was the story as related to me by my friend George.

But Hey, I asked George, did you ever get around to using the car, to try it out?

G: No, not at all. Frankly I became suspicious when advised by Herb. he had to use the car precisely said thursday I had given preliminary notice about.

Off hand I could mainly see two possible scenarios. Either he wanted to provoke my anger – and whoever would endeavour to buy a used car from someone that perhaps wanted to hurt you, to provoke your anger?

Alternatively someone may have told him I only needed the car 8 days later. And of course you also don’t want to buy a used car from someone that illegally had your phone tapped? So – no dice.

Yes, George, I can see your point. But what about your friend Alfred. What’s his story?

G: Frankly I’m a bit worried about Al. Seems to me he is slipping, may be loosing control? I certainly don’t hope the Mob contrieves to steal his business from under his eyes. Although they eventually just may, that is if he don’t sharpen up.

But thanks for the coffee, Pete, nice to chat with you again, I have to be scuttling along. Good day!

Bye now, George, have a nice day!

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END OF SATIRE

NOTA BENE: All named persons in the above satire are entirely fictitious.

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